The Minstrel Boy: laws of wargaming

As I'm sure you all know, humans need laws in order to 1) deter damaging and/or anti-social behaviour {I almost wrote "criminal", but without law there can be no crime since crime is the breaking of a law. I know that tortes are "legal, civil wrongs" that are not necessarily actionable as crime, but I digress.} and 2) to delineate what a society might consider "right." This gobbledee-gook is one way of considering law. There are also scientific laws like "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." or "A body in motion tends to remain in motion, unless acted upon by some outside force." We humans love our laws. Did you know it's illegal to walk whistle while walking backwards during the showing of a movie in one small town? Did you know it is illegal to be homeless in Columbia, South Carolina, USA? {Again I digress.}

All of us who play wargames know that there are laws governing the playing of the games that have NOTHING to do with the actual rules of the games. I'm taking it upon my self to draft an incomplete list of such laws and I request that my reader add to the list. Most if not all of these "laws" are corollaries of Finagle's or Murphy's First Law: "ANYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG, WILL." Here goes, starting with my favourite:

A newly painted unit will always rout/be destroyed/surrender in it's first time on the table.
You opponent will attempt to place the figures out of your reach in the place "that will be to your best advantage."
A important and distinctive item/unit/general in your force -one you can not do without- will serve as an "missile-attractor" i.e. The Ark of the Covenant in an Israelite Ancients army will draw the bow-fire of EVERY enemy bowman in range... and out of range... and on other tables... in other time zones... and periods. The USS Enterprise will be the target of the entire Klingon fleet.
Your elites aren't.
Fast troops will not move and always at the most inopportune time.
Your artillery will usually be masked when most needed.
Dice are perverse... at best.
Your best-painted troops will lose in melee to your opponent's badly-painted/barely-primed/unpainted figures mounted on hacked cereal box stands.
Tying up your opponent's guard or elite troops with some sort of irregular light cavalry or scum skirmish infantry will lead to recriminations and strained tempers.
Reinforcements will arrive at the farthest possible point to be of any help to you and will be late.
Gaming will go better if there's beer.
Good gamers learn from their defeats; mediocre gamers learn SLOWLY from multiple defeats; poor gamers learn to whine about their defeats.
Lefebvre's Law or Hohn's Law: Any day you get to throw dice and push figures is a good day.